Sitting at a luncheon table after a summer Bat Mitzvah, I started up a conversation with the woman seated to my right. Once we exchanged names, she remarked enthusiastically, “Oh, you’re the woman who writes like Nora Ephron in our local Jewish paper!”
Except for someone telling me they couldn’t believe how good I looked sixty pounds lighter (that could only be if I had actually stayed on Weight Watchers), those were the most energizing words I could ever hope to hear.
To be compared with my favorite Jewish female writer was a compliment of the highest order. The conversation that followed included praises of everything from Nora’s first novel and screenplay, Heartburn, to her latest book about the condition of her aging neck. Her stories are either gloriously autobiographical or the product of her soaring romantic fantasies. Whatever her choice of subject matter, it’s her style of writing and perspective on life that captivates me. We are Jewish soul sisters though we have never met.
The amazing connection that Jews feel for other Jews who are essentially strangers has always fascinated me. From the Jewish taxicab driver who drives me to the airport in Los Angeles to the Jewish bakery owner who bags my bagels in Detroit, I treat them like family, asking personal questions while trying to find out if we know some of the same people, namely other Jews.
Then the question arises, “How can people who choose Judaism when they are adults tap into the same family-like experience as those who are Jewish from birth?” For many non-affiliated Jews, this cultural connection is all that is left to their “feeling Jewish.”
The week following the Bat Mitzvah, I am back at Temple for another simcha. This time it is the conversion of a woman who has worked there for over twenty years. She is a talented graphic designer and computer wiz who is an indispensable staff member. As I watch this moving ceremony, I wonder why after all this time she has decided to convert.
When we sit down for lunch a few weeks after her conversion, I ask her about her decision. “I grew up in the Lutheran Church, but never felt totally connected there. The fact that the pastor ran off with another woman and left his wife and children didn’t help,” she added with a smile.
“If I could have converted to the Jewish culture, I would have done it years ago. Converting to a religion was the problem. But earlier this year, I had a defining moment that made me realize I wanted to be Jewish.”
“At a Friday night service, I became aware of an older man, sitting alone, crying as the service progressed. I went over to ask him what was wrong, knowing he had lost his wife to breast cancer a few years back. He tearfully told me that his son, who had a wife and three small children, was diagnosed with leukemia.
The next day the son died, and there was to be a minyan held the following afternoon. Since the father usually sat alone at services, I was concerned that not many people would turn up for the memorial prayers, so I decided to go. When I arrived, there were barely 10 people in attendance to conduct the service. It struck me that I wouldn’t have been able to be part of the minyan if they needed me because I was not a Jew.
The next day I told the rabbi I was ready to convert. The words from the Gates of Prayer for Shabbat and Weekdays that begin with ‘I am a Jew because…’ express perfectly why I wanted to be a Jew. Judaism embraces knowledge, not ignorance; hope, not despair; tradition; change; being responsible to and for the world and humanity and being one with God (the Universe).”
We agreed that for many people the religion they grew up with wasn’t the one that was right for them. But once they find where they belong, they feel totally at home. Thus, my question was answered.
It reminded me of the bumper sticker that I see around town, “I wasn’t born in Texas, but I got here as quickly as I could!”
Maybe her story isn’t as romantic as SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE by my favorite screenwriter Nora Ephron, but it has all the ingredients that fascinate those of us who see life as a journey that takes us to surprising destinations.
I heard on the nightly news that two Israeli students have developed a robot that cleans toilets and does windows. Are we surprised?
I’m going to call my new Jewish friend so we can have a good laugh about it.
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